Category Archives: Life is Traveling Without Moving

Sunday Night Shortie : Episode 1 – Bukit Tunku Visited

Semalam saya kosong. Tiada apa-apa. Jikalau buka baju, macam darkhole di angkasa. Kosong. Hollow. Saya lupa apa yang sering membuatkan semangat di jiwa ini membara. Lampu bukan sahaja kelam. Tetapi macam kena potong sebab tidak mampu membayar bil.

Maka saya nekad. Sesuatu perlu dilakukan.

Keluar pejabat jam 9.30malam. Hujan yang tidak semenggah itu tidak memberi kesan. Kaki laju ke arah stesen KL sentral.

“Er, takeaway ye. Saya nak double cheese burger set satu. Large.”

“RM10.45″.

Korek kocek untuk syiling. Argh! Tertinggal semua syiling di dalam jaket di pejabat.

Takpe. Bayar sahaja. Kaki laju menuju ke arah kereta di depan Kondominium Suasana Sentral.

Enjin Kembara Kosmik dihidupkan. Tingkap diturunkan. Ipod di’slot’kan ke kaset menyambung ke radio. Volume high.

Music pumping. Saya terus menekan minyak.

Saya pusing ke arah Brickfields, terus ke Seputeh untuk tembus ke Federal Highway. Mungkin mahu menjelajahi highway ke Seremban dan meronda kawasan tempat tinggal lama kami di Bandar Tasik Selatan.

Muid balas pesanan teks ringkas. “Dah habis dah. Ada kat subang..sending dina at hartamas soon”

“Ok. Nak ajak dina for kopi or she nak balik terus?”

Kereta dihalakan kembali ke Pantai Dalam, supaya kembali ke Bangsar. Jikalau jawapan seterusnya “Ya”, kurang-kurang tidak terlajak ke arah yang bertentangan.

“She got early work tomorrow.”

Kereta dihalakan naik ke arah Bukit Pantai. Nikotin ligat disedut dan dihembus. Saya nekad untuk masih meronda di malam yang sejuk sepi itu.

Jam sudah menunjukkan pukul 10.10malam. Saya menghantar satu lagi pesanan teks ringkas. Mengajak seorang kawan menemani rondaan malam tersebut. Namun tidak berjaya, beliau juga telah mempunyai ‘prior engagement’.

Malam seolah-olah berbisik, “Kau milikku, dan kau seorang sahaja”. Agak seperti filem Chermin,

“Derulah angin, datang padaku”.

Daripada Bukit Pantai, melintas ke Damansara Heights dan terlus ke Jalan Tun Razak. Masuk ke Jalan Kuching dan kemudian, tidak semena mena, tangan memutar stereng untuk naik kembali menghala Jalan Duta. Namun disitu, saya tahu kemana saya mahu pergi.

Bukit Tunku.

Farisa yang menetap di Taman Duta sering berkata, Bukit Tunku boleh tembus ke rumahnya, jikalau diambil dari arah Jalan Tun Razak. Namun dari rumahnya, tiada jalan pintas melalui Bukit Tunku jika ingin menghala ke arah Jalan Kuching.

Berdasarkan maklumat yang sipi-sipi bergantung tanpa tali di ingatan saya, saya masuk ke kiri menghala ke Bukit Tunku.

Sunyi. Sepi. Gelap.

Bukit Tunku mengingatkan saya kepada Memorial Tunku Abdul Rahman, yang saya lawati pada 2007. Saya ingat lagi hari itu, saya perlu membuat kajian mengenai ketiga-tiga bekas Perdana Menteri tersebut untuk kerja, maka saya telah menapak naik ke Memorial Tun Hussein Onn daripada komuter Bank Negara, kemudian ke Memorial Tunku Abdul Rahman sebelum mengambil teksi ke Memorial Tun Abdul Razak yang terletak di Bukit Perdana pula.

Menaiki tangga di Memorial Tunku Abdul Rahman agak spooky, lebih-lebih lagi, hanya saya seorang sahaja pelawat di situ, yang lain, 2 orang pembersih sedang menyapu di bawah, dan 2 orang pengawal sedang berborak di luar. Rumah yang lama itu memberikan satu perasaan yang berbeza setiap kali kaki ini melangkah memasuki bilik yang berlainan.

Jalan di Bukit Tunku agak sempit. Kembara Kosmik masih gagah menjelajahi. Rumah-rumah banglo di kiri kanan jalan, sunyi seolah tanpa penghuni. Terdapat 2 atau 3 kondominium mewah di sebelah kanan jalan. Tijani atau Tijan 1, saya pun kurang pasti.

Namun udaranya amat segar walaupun batang nikotin masih di tangan. Angin sejuk menghembus masuk memenuhi ruang Kembara Kosmik.

Tiba-tiba saya tiba di satu persimpangan. Di hadapan, tersergam indah sebuah mahligai yang besar tetapi terbiar atau pembinaan yang terbengkalai.

Satu perasaan menyisip ke dalam tubuh badan saya.

Fascination. Amazed. Amused. Spooked. Terrified. Awed.

Sejenak saya terhenti kekaguman. *smiles*

Saya memandu perlahan menyusuri pagarnya.

Mata silih berganti melirik ke arah kegelapan bangunan separuh siap yang terbiar, dan ke arah jalan yang sempit dan sunyi.

Kembara Kosmik menuruni bukit. Papan tanda jalanraya menunjukkan ke arah Jalan Kuching.

*thinks* It’s a no brainer. *smiles*

Tangan ligat memutar stereng untuk membuat putaran-U.

Saya kembali menyusuri pagar mahligai terbiar itu. *spooked*

Cuba kembali ke arah jalan yang dilalui tadi. Beberapa orang pelumba basikal sedang berlatih. Mereka mesti suka dengan kesunyian dan ketenangan ini.

Tiba-tiba, sebuah lagi mahligai disebelah kanan, kali ini bercahaya seperti di’sponsor’ oleh Tenaga Nasional Berhad lagaknya. Setiap bucu pagar mempunyai lampu. Teringat abah bising pasal tidur tak tutup lampu di rumah, membazir.

*chuckles*

Kembara terhenti. JALAN MATI! Di depan, sebuah pagar yang dipapankan seolah rumah itu telah ditutup kerana terdapat kematian ngeri. Di kanan, penghujung pagar mahligai sumbangan TNB.

*freaks out*

Saya segera membuat putaran-U. Cepat, sebelum Zombi Bukit Tunku datang menyerang. *spooked*

Setelah beberapa lorong dijelajahi, saya kembali ke jalan besar, menuju Jalan Kuching.

*pheeww* Lega.

It was a good drive-out. It cleared my mind. What was once hollow, was now filled with the need to learn more. Bukit Tunku showed me a part of KL which doesn’t translate the urban life. It brings me the essence of being in Kuala Lumpur back in the 70s (although I wasn’t born yet then).

I know what my passion is. History. To learn where we come from, who we are. In order to know where we’re heading to. My thirst for knowledge and appetite for curiosity suddenly kicks back in.

Things happen for a reason. Rondaan malam seorang diri sukses!

(Written on: November 20, 2008)

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Sunday Night Shortie: Pilot Episode – Dear Self

One too many times I trip over so you can fall,
I make sure it bleed so you feel pain
I bit my tongue so you stop talking
And fall asleep so you’ll feel free.

I make mistakes so you can learn
And jump up high for you to fly
I lie down on the ground so you get dirt
And roll on the grass to spin dirt off

You cry and said ‘Release me from this pain’
I hit your head and said ‘Never say that again’
‘Pain is good although it hurts’
I hit your head one more time and then I burp

‘You heartless fool, how could you?’
‘Everything is like a game to you.’
I smiled and held your head up high
‘This is life dear, all you got to do is sigh’

I hope that life will be fair to you
Although I made it as hard as I can
For you and me, we are One, not Two
Everything we’ve gone through are just because we are human.

———————————-

nak tulis banyak-banyak.

sebab.

mengantuk.

“Nurol, so, you’re done with the Luxury? …….. I mean the sector, not in life on a whole”

“You just had to include that. *laughs* Yes, I’ve done all the amendments and have buddy checked myself”

*minum air sejuk*

*yawns*

tangan memegang tetikus. should I or should I not? tetikus adalah bahan yang mati, tidak memberi sebarang jawapan.
mata melirik ke arah telefon bimbit.

tiada pesanan teks ringkas daripada sesiapa.

*keluhan*

Sudah jam 2.22petang.

Masih mengantuk.

Ron mula bercakap-cakap. “Technically, if I make a sexist comment, I could be charge of sexual harassment” merujuk kepada syarikat yang sedang dianalisa oleh beliau.

*smiles and nods*

saya fikir, what constitute a sexist comment?

“Hey, you’re looking very sexy today. Is it your hot short skirt?”

Soalan yang ditujukan boleh dianggap seksis jikalau dilontar dengan ekspresi yang sinis. Tetapi bagi seseorang yang ‘vain’, dia mungkin hanya akan menganggap ia sebagai satu pujian yang ‘flattering’.

*keluhan*

Muid menghantar pesanan teks ringkas. *keluhan panjang*

Minda terpaksa berfikir. Mahu atau tidak. Atau mahu kerja instead? Makan malam di Subang Holiday Villa agak jauh.

Terutama pada jam 6 petang.

Sudah talifon Muid. Tidak wajib untuk pergi. Lagipun agak jauh.

Akan menetap di ofis. Baru jam 2.32 petang. Perlu turun membeli nikotin.

————————––

Lagi enam minit ke pukul enam. Lalala …

Luke bermain dengan bola senaman nya. Terguling ke belakang.

Semua tertawa.

“You definitely need a playpen Luke”

“Owh … Like a child having fun”

Geoff mula menyanyi. Barangkali lagu The Smith. Sebab ketika lepak di kondonya, dia beria memperkenalkan kumpulan tersebut. Agak bagus. Saya ada tiga lagu The Smith di dalam ipod saya. Rupa-rupanya Muid ada lagu daripada kumpulan tersebut di dalam Pustaka Muzik beliau.

Pandang ke kanan. Snickers yang separuh dimakan.

*keluhan*

Mungkin sudah tiba masanya.

Untuk mengalihkan kereta ke depan pejabat.

Ron sudah mula menyarung fon kepala, barangkali mahu mendengar lagu ‘body pump’ kesukaan beliau.

*smiles sarcastically*

Terlalu penat untuk mengajuknya.

Nota ini sudah seperti satu skrip bagi filem pendek.

*keluhan*

Turun untuk nikotin dan pengalihan kereta.

(written on November 19, 2008)

Season 2: Episode 7 – Life. And the person we grew up to be

Its hard to write with an empty stomach. The last thing I ate was keropok lekor, tiny bits of it actually. Not enough. Well, for me, its enough until lunch tomorrow. I usually survive. Usually… we’ll see.

I asked a few friends what they want to be when they grow up. Its not a normal question for 20 year olds, apparently, some claimed, they have grown up.

*buzzer* Eeeekkk. Wrong answer. Please proceed to the Exit.

What we forgot to be, is, ambitious.

What we took forgranted, is, ambitions.

We’ll never stop being ambitious, we should, never stop, being ambitious.

The misconception of life.

Once upon an August 2008, I was riding the bus to work. A friend commented on it virtually.

He said something like this – “Buses are for when we were in high school. We all have nice jobs now, we should afford a car and drive to work”.

*buzzer* Eeeekkk. Wrong answer. Please proceed to the Exit.

When I’m on the bus, everyone is at a level playing field. Everyone is the same. What distinguished you from the next person is whether you have enough change for the bus fare, and whether you’re smart enough to get a seat on the bus. I’ve seen perverts, criminal-looking normal people, people in their working suits and me. Yes, I see a lot of me on the bus. Me, the person who wanted to become normal.

I just revealed to a colleague that high school was not all fame, happening and dandy for me.

From what the guys shoved me into a 4-year inferiority complex was not something a normal person should experience in high school. Years of verbal and mental torture to the extend I realised how unworthy I was then in the eyes of male species of the damned earth. I found it hard to talk to guys after I left school, let alone pat them on the shoulders. But, there are nice people out there.

I learn that every one is an individual of their own. So I live my life as an individual. I grew up to be an individual.

In my first Toast master class, they pushed me for a 2-minutes table topic impromptu speech.

Title: What do you aspire to be in life.

I talked (in stutter) about wanting to be a humanitarian.

Despite sounding like a person who will break into tears any minute, the evaluator said something which made me smile.

“You talk with such honesty, like its something from your heart”.

Despite the common stage fright, yes, I did.

I grew up to be a very loving person. Someone who would joyfully hug you for no apparently reason. Someone who would love like there’s no tomorrow so its just today to show how much love you can give. Someone. An individual. With love.

When I filled my Darjah Satu record book, in the ambitions column, when I put ‘V.I.P’, I didn’t realise what a big impact it will bring to my life.

Very. Important. Person.

Saya mahu jadi V.I.P. V.I.P. duduk di dalam ofis sain dokumen dan balik rumah naik kereta ada drebar.

Misconception.

*buzzer* Eeeekkk. Wrong answer. Please proceed to the Exit.

I want to be that important person. Who tells people life will be okay. You can have ambitions. Even if you’re 50 years old. You can have happiness. Even if you don’t find a lover. You can have such joy, even when you’re feeling suicidal. You can smile at a funeral. Even if its your parent’s funeral. Because this is what Life is all about. Its the moments that you are blessed with it. Made with love. Live with love. Die and leave the love to grow on others.

I want to be on a dying bed, bedridden out of a fatal illness, so I get to say goodbye to everyone and tell them to celebrate the love of the ones they’re with.

But before that, like Jean Luc Goddard wrote in his script for his 60’s À bout de souffle movie,

“I want to be immortal. And then die”

Season 2: Episode 6 – Moments. This is One.

How long do you take to find closure? *shrugs*

How long would you take to find clarity? *frowns*

We all change directions in life, be it those who follows the rule book, or those who never knew what a book is, let alone rules.

We search within ourselves. The inner soul. For inner peace. Apparently, a piece of shit is what we often come across.

Everyone have different circumstances in life. Everyone wants to be something different from others.

The latest note I posted was a question on what people want to be when they grow up. People who are my friends. Most of them are friends. Yes. Facebook lies. Right to your face. Almost 3 quarter of the people you have in your friend’s list are mere acquaintances.

I browsed something of someone from the past. What happened in the past served best as reminders of who we are THEN, what we have achieved THEN, and when we slipped THEN.

S: I believe in love.
A: I believe in passion.
S: See, don’t we complement each other well. We exudes happiness and bring smiles.

Its great to be meeting people who are believers of Love. However, love has been overrated, one too many times. We search and search for the thing we ought to give.

“Be relentless in your looking. You’re the one you seek” – Rumi.

I wanted that as a tattoo. But, frankly speaking, I actually wanted to be able to remind myself that each and everyday.

“You are your own competition” An advise given by my dearest sister the day she got married. The little achievement we come across.

Z munching on wasabi flavored kacang hijau.on Monday

Abby: tak habis habis munching dari senin lagi?

Z: kehkehkeh .. lom .. kacang wasabi kena makan slow2…kot tak kang berdarah otak

Abby: oooooooooooooooooooo .. habis tu, kalau gi kedai sushi, kita makan pelan pelan, pastu kedai nak tutup, cemane?

Z: kot kedai sushi takpe sebab wasabi dimakan dgn sushi. kadar penyerapan pedas agak menggalakkan, dan sekaligus mengurangkan risiko otak berdarah. ini kacang hijau perasa sushi. makanan kudapan yg kering mempunya kadar penyerapan pedas yg rendah.

Abby: oooooooooooooooo .. saya banyak belajar. patut la lain macam saya makan itu hari. sebab kami makan sambil berjalan naik turun lif gamaknye. sekarang, adakah saya terdedah kepada potensi otak berdarah?

Z: ye, tepat sekali.

Abby: owh no. adakah ini sebabnya darah itu mengalir ke bawah menjadi period? kerana dah lama sangat insiden ini berlaku?

Z: sila minum yakult banyak2 kerana kajian Dr.Shirota mendapati Yakult sgt berkesan untuk menyembuhkan penyakit berdarah diotak. darah dibawah hanya masa yg akan menentukan, bila ia akan berhenti.

Abby: Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo .. Saya sungguh lega sekarang kerana mempunyai rakan yang bertauliah seperti anda

Z: terima kasih.

Life is part choice, part chance.

I choose insanity over being normal. And by that, I’ve been given the chance to meet wonderful people in life. terima kasih.

Season 2: Episode 5 – Redemption Points

Told by a dear friend. Re-written in fictional dialogue but based on true accounts.

Boy: Do you want to watch Ocean’s Eleven with me?

Girl: No.

Boy: Why not?

Girl: Because I haven’t watch Ocean’s One to Ocean’s Ten. I wouldn’t know the whole story then.

*Boy got turned off*

I believe everyone have redemption points, but I know sometimes, there are circumstances in life that doesn’t allow most people to see that. *senyum sinis*

Farah conclude that the girl could be smart in a different way. But I assume she said it as to compensation the previous statement that came out of her mouth. “Spell B-I-M-B-O!” Hehe.

As human beings, we can be very very critical, cynical, sarcastic and negative at any given time. Sometimes, we can’t control these things. I came across a lot of people who doesn’t have filters before they splat out whatever they want to say on the floor. The problem is wiping it out later. Then again, some people never care to even wipe it.

I believe, honesty can come from the best liars in the world. Let me rephrase that. What I mean is that, some of the best liar in the whole wide world, can be one of the most honest person too. I know so. I’m one of them. And I do believe I’m not alone.

Semalam mereka meraikan sambutan Earth Hour di mana beberapa premis perniagaan dan rumah tinggal persendirian menutup semua punca elektrik selama satu jam. Namun, di depan Capsquare di mana saya berada, terdapat pertunjukan api.

As someone who reads about energy conservation, its measures and efforts, who calculates CO2 emissions, green-gas related emissions, atmospheric emissions for a living, I believe these people go gungho about nothing really. I admire the initiative, but comment the execution.

Do they know that the smoke from those fires contribute to a lot of carbon dioxide emissions to the sky?

Owh, kawan saya kata, “We’re talking about Earth today, not the ozone”. Are we really? When during Earth Hour, we’re preaching about Global Warming, so are we really talking about just saving earth, but not the ozone layer?

Maaf, saya berbunyi sungguh skeptikal. Maybe I should shut up and just continue calculating how many tonnes of CO2 emissions produced for the company I’m assessing, Daihatsu. Mungkin itu tidak judgmental. Haha.

Saya ingin mengucapkan ribuan terima kasih kepada semua yang menyokong kolektif seni kami, Digital Malaya Project, dan juga rakan-rakan KLickr kami di KL Design Week. Masih berlangsung, jangan segan silu untuk pergi.

Whatever it is, I’m proud of both of my younger siblings, who celebrated Earth Hour by sitting outside, in the dark, and lighting up candles, just the two of them. I felt bad they couldn’t be with me, but I am so proud that the values I’ve uphold has been instilled in them.

And whatever it is, saya kasihan kepada Girl yang mungkin, waktu ini, pergi dari satu DVD vendor ke satu DVD vendor mencari Ocean’s One, Two, Three sampai Ten.

Season 2: Episode 4 – Blackout. Not for Earth Hour

Jakarta trip was fun. A little bit too fun. Especially when you’ve been put in the zone where fun has a totally new definition to it. I told myself, this time, its a vacation without specific purpose. Despite the fact that I’m leaving a whole lot of workload behind, I was adamant to taste fun during the 4 Days 4 Nights I was there.

We grow up. Time passes by. People change. What used to smell nice, might be normal today. What used to stink, might not smell as bad tomorrow.

Going with a new group of friends was somewhat enlightening as it was interesting. At times, we need to step out of the circle. Sengetkan sedikit barisan. Teraburkan kumpulan kawat. Throw those rule books aside and be merry. Vacation is vacation. During vacation, what we don’t want to hear is ‘Don’t drink too much’, ‘Don’t smoke too much’, ‘Don’t jump too high’, ‘Don’t laugh too loud’. Its like buying a dress and the sales assistant says, ‘Don’t wear this dress outside of the house’.

Dewasa dan matang tidak bererti melakukan segala-galanya mengikut persepsi masyarakat dan menidakkan diri sendiri. I was told that I’m smart, and I admit it, and its hard to be humble. But having excessive fun doesn’t mean you lose yourself, especially when you’re a smart considerate person. Its good to be reminded, nonetheless. But it might be nicer to know people have faith in you as well.

I’m used to pushing the speed of my growing up level. Even growing up in the company, I pushed myself to be in front, intellectually at least (because we all know how I love to procrastinate).

So its just normal when I had so much fun during my first vacation without a guardian, then come home to work like a dog two times worst than I had to do before and declare blackout for my brain one week before Earth Hour actually commence.

*tamak*

I managed to write two lame poetries since Jakarta till now. One might be used for exhibition purposes. Another is this:-

Does a stone have feelings?
If it does, what does it feel
when its thrown
hits the ground
and get run over
or stepped on?

Will clouds feel burden on their shoulders?
Does the ocean feels trapped?

We talk of endless emotions and feelings
Do we even care to think
whether the stone is angry
or the cloud feels sad
and the ocean suffocating?

*switches OFF*

Season 2: Episode 3 – Humility in Humidity

Its hard to be humble.

5 years ago I was failing all my subjects, being under academic observation, a total humiliation for my parents for not being a top scorer, and sleeps my way in class so that I can at least have that 5% bonus mark for attendance.

This year, I’m talking about Japan Corporation Law, explaining to fellow brilliant colleagues (who are mostly 4.00CGPA top academic scorers from oversea universities) about Energy Consumptions, the Australian Stock Exchange ruling on Human Resources disclosure and also the application of eco-friendly products and Human Rights. Not to mention how Reseach and Development can be included in the product’s life cycle and converting tonnes of crude oil to gigawatt hour.

10 years ago, boys at school called me an ugly stupid girl because I flunk Add-maths, and I was ugly. I’ve gotten the kick for being stupid and ugly compared to those righteous hard-working tudung-claded girls who gets 80% for their Add-maths.

This year, I’m mingling with successful young professionals with 3 times the experience I have and have been around the world and seen life most of it.

Its hard to be humble but its harder to tell people that, I am not smart, I am very stupid, I’m still young and at times, its tiring to be thinking and analysing too much. ;-(