To Lady Luck

Dear Lady Luck,

Hi, How are you? Sometimes I know I don’t check on you that much but you have always been by my side. In the weirdest most unexpected time which I could only realise much later. I wonder about you a lot these few weeks. I’m sure you’ve been swell, well, for all we know, luck is yours to begin with, and to give away.

But this is a personal thank you note from the bottom of my heart, and I really really mean bottom because I have been there, figuring out the depths of it while patching back its pieces during my darkest hours (and your luck came to light me up cos no one can do shit in that kind of darkness).

Through you, I get to be with the luckiest person in the whole wide world (I seriously still don’t know whether I am the luckiest or she is the luckiest). It was indeed such luck that we complemented each other so well like a pair of gloves. We’re so lucky that we met each other, fell for each other, grew up with each other, went through hardship with each other and now finally making our individual paths with the faith and support from each other. I have never thought I would go through this in such composure and faith (Knowing me, the hysterical cry baby). Trust me, she has intentionally or unintentionally given me all that I actually needed to grow, and I, at my very best, am giving (and will always be giving) her what she wants, the right space and support for her to grow. How lucky is that? Maybe there’s no luckiest because when you sprinkle down luck, whoever gets it, gets it enough of what they need at the moment. You smart like that, huh?

I have been visited by your luck so many times. I mean, here I am worrying about my lost of appetite until I lost 7 kg in the past one month and you gave me the body that I’ve always wanted since I was like what, 30 years old? I’m at my ideal weight of 46 kg. How lucky am I?! Thank you, thank you!!!

With your luck, you have saved me many times. From myself, from my demons, from my thoughts and in a lot of situations. You have sent so many guardian angels to help me find my way out. So many many times, always, even those I can’t remember (my memory is still peanuts, wattudu). But I know you were there!

You gave me so much luck that I don’t know how to repay you, or the universe, except for these few manifestations that I will share with you:

  1. That I will be stronger and more positive about my outlook in life. I know I have put a side a lot of things and maybe it’s time to revisit them. Like in the words of Jean-Luc Godard in his Breathless screenplay, “To be immortal, and die.”
  2. Superstars are meant to be with each other but they need to grow and build themselves on their own. I’ve realised this now (duhhhh) how it means so much to me. And I am so excited for this journey! I’m starting to plot my way in conquering the world! (and I know you’ll be by my side, kan? kan? Kan?)
  3. I’ll be 37 in 2 months. Oh my, the amount of skills and experiences that I have been able to grow is amazing! And also the opportunities that I have gotten to be here. Even for all the situations, the challenges, the hardships – it is indeed so crazy lucky (thanks you!) that I am still alive and well and able to envision my future. And I am envisioning my future as a stronger and better person. I’m still trying to grasp the fact that I am here right now (gilalah!).
  4. I will make things happen for me. I am more certain on what I want in my life now. Although I have grown up as an emotional and sensitive person, I’m seeing it as I have developed one of the best EQ level among my peers, I’m very fortunate. It’s no longer my weakness, it is indeed my strength, and I shall not feel sorry or guilty for it. Now, I just need to make time to brush up my IQ and also stabilise my standing in the world, especially financially. I’ll be your Superstar achievement, Lady Luck! I promise!
  5. And I want to love everyone. I do still have so much faith in kindness. I really do still believe that if I want kindness to prevail, I need to lead by example. I want to be able to be remembered as someone who is always kind to others. And when I die, my tombstone will read, Por Causa De Amor.

I don’t know if you read blogs. But maybe those who drop by and read this post will help me manifest and send this to you as well. And of course I will always come by to read this again and again. For I am Abby Latif, the love poet, who is in love with the person that she used to be, has become, and will be.

Oh, I just did a premature signoff. Damn.

Yours Sincerely,

Abby Latif

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Love is just a four-letter-word

When I was younger

I long for a romantic love that would

sweep me off my feet.

I was so in love with love.

I was in love with the moon.

I was in love with the longing.

I was in love with the romance.

I kept on thinking about

the kind of love I would give out.

I wrote hundreds of poetic words,

so I can practice how to be in love.

To me, love is an ideal.

A utopia, an ecstasy.

And then I fell in love for the first time and got my heart broken. Shattered.

I was in an illusion of love that allowed my heart to be broken to pieces for it to understand the meaning of love.

I was my own heart saboteur.

It took me a decade after that to fall in love again.

And fell I did.

This time, love to me was intense and real.

It was so intense that I would wail nonstop to not be left alone.

It was so real that I would do anything to make someone else happy.

But this love taught me consciousness.

This love taught me all the things I didn’t know about myself and my life.

This love taught me to take care of another person.

This love taught me to take care of my own self.

This love taught me how to prioritise.

This love taught me the limit to selflessness.

This love taught me the most important thing – that loving someone “so much” means different from one person to another.

All the clichés are true.

All the love songs sound cheesy.

Every romantic gestures receives no praises.

But weirdly, I love this person so much still, and forever.

I guess, in the end,

Love is just a four letter word.

In an entire dictionary of life together.

For love

Here’s an ode to couples

who will go through a lot

to be together because

they know that they have found the one

they would fight for to be with.

Allow your heart to love,

and it’s okay if you have to wait.

Jodoh is all about the nature of time.

If you go against the rule of time,

you might not end up with your person.

I’m no expert, we have our ups and downs.

But I don’t think I would love anyone else

as naturally as I have been loving my person

There are days we do not feel for each other

There are days we compromise

And there are days the entire universe

conspires against us.

It’s weird that I can’t imagine myself loving

anyone else than this person.

And it’s strange that giving up is a feeling

that goes against my entire being

I have always been in love with love itself

And now that I am in love

with this very special person that complements my entire universe

I feel like I have arrived to my destination

Like I am home, belonged.

Of course I am scared of the fact that this person could stop loving me

Of course I am afraid of losing this person to someone better than me

Of course I am terrified of how broken I would be if this person decided I am not the one

But it’s my destination to love this person, and I’m here

If this person moves on, that’s their journey.

My journey ends here, with this person.

Until my last breath, it will of love for this person.

I hope that you get to be with that person.

And if after this, I don’t end up with mine,

don’t disregard this message.

For I have won my fight.