PrayForMH370

There are men and women out there risking their own lives leaving loved ones to search for someone else’s loved ones.

Jangan berhenti berharap.

Everyone is doing their best. Please try to understand. Stop being negative about everything and preach negativity.

Terlampau laparkan maklumat, manusia mudah melontar kata sinis supaya air liurnya tidak meleleh.

Imagine the cost of the search team deployed – fuel, manpower, resources. I’m sure the authorities is exhausting as much as they can.

We just hope they are relentless in their trying while we ourselves deem helpless.

While some of us sits at the comfort of our homes scared of the haze outside and throw curses on their incompetence.

Please think that the things you say might hurt the people who are praying for hope.

Waking up to Composure

I am not the coolest person I know. In fact, I am the most uncool person I know. Seriously, a lot of my friends are so cool, I almost am considered LUKE WARM. And that, by standard itself means BORING.

We’re not Italians but my family could be the most dramatic expressive family I’ve ever seen outside of the idiot box. We could even topple down Korean drama box-office records if we have had better mainstream commercial looks.

I guess it’s the age. And celibating. At 31 years old, single and not practicing any kind of sexual activities, one can develop menopausal symptoms. Yes, I have enough braincells to (in)credibly develop this psycho-analysis of mine. I’ll be 32 this year. I might start shopping for a chastity belt soon. Got sell online or not?

But that is not the point of discussion for today. My last post was a good night post. A good night post written almost half a year ago. It was written on the eve of my birthday, because I was born in the wee hours of the morning. Thus why I love the dawn. And in that hour I am most pure and free and no one could disturb me. Outside of those hours, I’m (almost) doomed.

I have lost my balance a couple of time and I’m losing my focus. My heart cries at night hoping I find my soul in everything I do. I start questioning what’s right and what’s indifference. I start questioning indifference and nothingness. Why do I want to do things that does not include my name in the big picture? Why don’t I want to help make a name for myself? Selfishness arise from these questioning. I am falling not in my abyss but in worry and guilt. For being selfish. For wanting things for myself.

I realised, at the end of the day, I will only be remembered as “yang pakai baju putih kat hujung tu” (the one in the white shirt standing at the corner).¬†

So Please,

Dear God,

help me wake up in composure,

relieved of all these selfishness,

and take me out of this indifference.

Adab dan Tamadun

It’s gonna be a LONG drive back from Sintok to KL now. Abah is lecturing on Civilisation through Samuel Huntington and Francis Fukuyama.

It started when I told him I wanted to pursue my post-graduate in Master of Southeast Asian Studies (yeah, this one will make me tons of money, I tell ya).

Then he told me that I should first know what civilisation means.

He said, I should read Samuel P. Huntington’s Clash of Civilizations and Francis Fukuyama’s The End of History and The Last Man.

Abah cannot blame me for wanting to pursue these studies. I grew up on the road, as nomadic as my childhood is, but most importantly our family spend a lot of time together on roadtrips in the country. Abah will grab any opportunity to drive along the countryside and stop at all the places where there were history landmarks. He loves telling us stories about these places, as he grew up as a young soldier, walking through the jungles of Malaysia.

I remember my fascination with ASEAN grew with wanting to learn more about culture. I was blessed with my upbringing where I learn to adapt to different environment easily since a very young age.

When I did my solo trip to Jogjakarta last year, I was really really amazed at how happy I was walking in and out all of the temples. It’s as if I’m walking through dimensions of time.

And I trust that is what the studies will take me. Through dimensions of time and space.

I always wanted to learn about geo-science, but I never excelled maths and science to even qualify for the studies.

Maybe this year I build up enough courage to admit myself into the course.

God willing. Insya Allah.

 

in her abyss, love is the gravity that pulls everyone back to sanity.

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A Hijabi with Style and Substance.

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