It’s been awhile since we’ve been with each other. Sometimes I can’t remember our life together but somehow now everything seems so familiar, although, a little bit heavier.
That’s what experience do to you. They made you more solid so there’s a weight to everything now.
When we were together back then, it was for something I know nothing of. Something I’ve never experienced before, wholeheartedly. I had an idea of what it was, but it was just that, an idea.
Yes, I’m talking about love. No, it’s not lame. Everyone ought to be talking about love. Everyone should. That’s how we grow, with love. Every living thing in this universe grows on love. And we should not categorise love. Love is love. The more, the better, the faster you can grow with. Imagine a plant not being kissed by the sun or touched by water. Imagine a person not being kissed by lips or embraced by hugs. We all want to grow and we all need love to grow.
As I’m typing these words on my keyboard, I felt like a musician, a pianist, hitting the buttons of melodies and creating rhythm with the words that is coming from my heart. And that, I feel, so much love for what I am doing right now.
But this is something I wanted to talk to you about. After for so long, living with you, longing, I found Belonging. I found love. I learned how to love. I learned how love felt like, when it’s given to me. I can feel it so much, every single second of every single day. I felt belonged. The thing that I longed for so long, has become. It happens.
And now, circumstances and life, as we grow, brings me back to you, the state of longing. As much as I embrace and accept my reality, as much as I hope and envision my future, as much as I courageously carry myself through this healing process – Yes, I long. I long for love. But in a different context. Because I know it’s there, I have it, it is happening, but in a different dimension of reality that traverse through a multitude of emotions and a prism of consciousness. I am certain of the love that I have, I am certain of the love that I need, I am certain of the love that I want – but at the same time, I am yearning for its manifestation.
I do miss you. I do secretly enjoy this feeling. There’s a certain pleasure in hollowness and a certain need for void. There’s a weird craving for absence and a simple pleasure derived from distance.
You have been a good friend to me. But we know, we don’t belong to each other. But you’ll be in my life, for sure. You, longing, will keep on giving me that strength to run for another day, so I can be the love that I’ve always long for.