My version of Inspiration Beings.

Last week, I was in a room of mainly ladies, waiting to be interviewed for a government position. I learned to know a few of them were applying for the job that has nothing to do with them, or their background, or if they even knew what the job requirement was. It was merely a job to them. Just apply for it. For it is a job. A government job. A sense of security. That’s it. They might not even know what their talent is. And the scary part is, they might not ever discover it.

In Malaysia, we have Talent Corp. But does Talent Corp merely puts unemployed to available jobs, or are they really realising your talent?

A few years ago, I took my brother’s camcorder and ask people, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Some make cynical comments, “We’re already grown up.”

Ambitions shouldn’t stop the day you stop having report cards to fill in.

Ambitions, should be something like a goal that makes you continue living this life to your fullest potential. The guru Dhyan Vimal once talked about how he always said to his people with regards to their work, “I want to meet you at your honour. So you got to perform at your best, every time.”

In the reality of life, we all are binded to our circumstances. Sad, but true. We all need to survive. But there comes a certain point, when surviving erased the joy of living life for its moments.

The “What do you want to be when you grow up?” project died with the passing of Yasmin Ahmad. Because she was the next in line for my interview. I wanted to catch her the week we were supposed to meet up for some screening session (the week after she passed away).

So when I resuscitate this blog of mine, I started it back, in writing, but with a focus on inspiration and passion. And it’s only fair that I take on the questions myself and share with you guys what inspired me. To live.

Who is the most inspiring person (dead/alive) that have made you pursue your passion?

Jalaluddin Rumi. The spiritual sufi poet.

How and Why is this person significant to you?

I have to say, he has brought me to actually love love and divinity. I found spirituality through his words. I was brought up in a strict malay muslim boarding school. I have had all the basics I needed. And what I was searching was a sense of belonging in loving God. The first person I have ever loved told me, if she were to describe me in 3 words, the first word was “God-fearing”. For me, it’s not much of God fearing, it’s more of the fear that I lose myself in search of love for my Creator. And she also introduced me to Jalaluddin Rumi. So, it was all meant to be.

Poetry only came to me in 2007. Before that, I was more like a compulsive blogger. I have my thoughts and short stories of life. But with poetry (and my lack of vocabulary), I can share my silent thoughts in verses that is shorter and more wholehearted.

Rumi’s conscience brings out the sense in loving despite the fact that he’s a mad lover. The thing about Rumi’s words, is that you can weep through it with a smile. Because it comes from the deepest of thoughts and feelings. And I wonder how he is, as a person.

If given a chance to have an afternoon together, what would you guys do?

There’s a tree. We will sit under it and talk. Like a Master and his student. We will eat bread and drink wine. And I will cry while telling him about the love I lost. And he will comfort me by saying,

Oh Beloved,
take away what I want.
Take away what I do.
Take away what I need.
Take away everything
that takes me from you.

If you were given a chance to Pay It Forward, what would you do and why?

I want to help people realise their best talents and passion. When I was 10-11, I always imagined I have a million ringgit, and I will build a house for passionate orphans, give them the family and education they deserve, and make sure when they’re successful, they’ll be the benefactors for other passionate orphans.

Apparently it’s not easy to get 1 million ringgit.

Tell me your worst nightmare.

Once, when I was 12, me and my brother nearly drowned when we stepped into quick sand at Pantai Santubong, Kuching. Drowning, always scares the hell out of my dreams. Then, I always had nightmares about being chased by ghosts around a confined house.

To be honest, I haven’t had any nightmares for years. I believe because I have found inner peace (or I’m getting there).

But my worst fear (in full conciousness), is to die without telling the people I love that I love them. I rather die on a death bed. It’ll buy me time to tell people I love them. We don’t get to do that often.

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